12 Additional Christmas Songs That Deserve to be Removed from the Radio

12 Additional Christmas Songs That Deserve to be Removed from the Radio

With the recent removal of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” from the airwaves  (about bloody time, I say) based on a single complaint from someone in Cleveland, I’ve decided to put out my list and expect to not hear these babies again.

12. Winter Wonderland: “Later on, we’ll conspire As we dream by the fire.” Are we really letting people conspire now? Sure, Rudy says it is no longer a crime, but is he sure? This is sending the wrong message. Delete.

11. Do You Hear What I Hear? “A Child, a Child shivers in the cold
Let us bring him silver and gold.” That is child endangerment! Bring the child a blanket. Delete.

10. It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas: “A pair of Hop-a-long boots and a pistol that shoots Is the wish of Barney and Ben. Dolls that will talk and will go for a walk Is the hope of Janice and Jen” Sexist! And, giving a kid a pistol that shoots? Do you want them to lose an eye? Has no one seen It’s A Christmas Story? Delete.

9. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Do we really want our young ones to condone an alcoholic in charge of driving that fast? Come on, did you really think we’d buy the ‘light’ idea that he has a lightbulb on his nose and not understand it is Rhinophyma (yes, I had to look that up)? Rudolph was ostracised by the others because he’s a drunk and with Santa’s proclivity to have rosy cheeks and this shocking footage, I’m not sure he’s well enough to determine Rudolph’s fitness for the job. Delete.

8. Santa Claus if Coming to Town “He sees you when you’re sleepin’ He knows when you’re awake.” He’s not a massive creep or anything or a pedophile or even a stalker, it’s Santa so it is somehow ok. It is not ok. None of this is okay. Delete.

7. Blue Christmas: “Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree.” Is this an homage to Russia? Why are the decorations OF red. Suspicious. Delete.

v6. Santa Baby. “Come and trim my Christmas tree.” Do you expect the seductive sounds of this ‘Baby’ to provide you with a yacht, ring, and other expensive goodies and it is somehow okay to ask if you drop suggestive lyrics like this? Delete.

5. The Christmas Song: “And folks dressed up like Eskimos” That’s Eskimoish! Let the madness end already. Haven’t they been through enough? Delete.

v4. Sia’s Ho Ho Ho. Really? We are promoting Ho’s. “Ho ho ho, bring a friend if you’re pleased. Bring them all to their knees, ho ho ho.” I. Rest. My. Case. Delete.

v3. Santa Claus Comes Tonight. “So jump in bed, and cover your head, ’cause Santa Claus comes tonight.” What are you doing under the covers together? I don’t have to ask. It’s disgusting. Delete.

2. White Christmas: Is there really a place for this kind of sentiment? “May all your Christmases be White.” Delete.

1. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer: “She had hoof-prints on her forehead And incriminating Claus marks on her back.” So, let’s dissect the scene of the crime… The reindeer either kicked or stepped on grandma and when she was face down in the cold, Santa Claus marked up her back. I don’t need to know more. Delete

via GIPHY

Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays since I think saying Merry Christmas has been banned by that woman in Oklahoma. 


Comments

  1. What about “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”? Think about the implications. Either Mommy is having an affair with a fat guy who only shows up once a year or the kid’s parents are indulging in some seriously creepy role-playing.
    Either way there’s not enough therapy in the world.
    Christopher recently posted…Moving Right Along.My Profile

  2. Brilliant. Thanks for the giggles. Never going to listen to those the same way.

  3. Loved it! Had a couple of my own but they were more depressing than anything else. Happy whatever that gets you more presents!

  4. LOL, love it! You gave me a good chuckle there. Let me add one:

    What about “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas”? The nerve of that entitled child to ask for a hippo to be removed from its natural habitat and domesticated! Delete.
    Arionis recently posted…The Hardest Break Up I’ve Ever Had!My Profile

  5. […] And before you get to the answers go to Mum Revised for a hilarious and accurate list of Twelve Additional Christmas Songs That Deserve to b…. […]

  6. I’m thinking this left you with classical Xmas songs and potentially, rap. Scratch that last one. If it’s anything like what my eldest listens to . . . :)>

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