The Dead Series. Elevators or Death Traps?

The Dead Series. Elevators or Death Traps?

This is the first edition of The Dead Series. Sounds scary huh? That was the intent. Since I already wrote my own obituary, I thought I might share some of my own near death experiences. This might take a while since I am a bit of a ‘lucky to be alive’ kind-of girl so I am starting a series. I won’t bore you day after day but rather sneak them in unannounced, much like a near death experience does. That way we are all frightened at once.

Two super cool writers gave me the idea. Aussa (Hacker, Ninja, Hooker, Spy) and Sarah (est. 1975). Please check out their stories of death defying bravery. I bow to their super charged ability to cheat death. Don’t forget to come back and see how heroic I am.

To begin The Dead Series (say that with an ominous super scary voice will ya?) I present: Elevators or Death Traps? I am sneaking this one in from the robot archive. It was originally published on May 15, 2014 and then the robots decided it was unfit for human consumption. I will say what my reader(s) want! They want more ridiculous! They want more inane! You have it folks. See, I listen.


The Dead Series: Elevators or Death Traps?

I have an irrational fear of elevators. Scratch that. I have a rational fear of elevators.

How many times have you seen the cable snap in the movies?

I rest my case.

So when I enter an elevator, I take a look around at the last connection to safety I have at my disposal. Telephone, check. Escape hatch, check CRAP! The ceilings are 10 feet in here and the escape hatch has a lock on it. Fucking death trap!

My theory (not tested on humans) on why I am afraid of elevators is in 3 parts. Bear with me.

1. When I was young, my brother got on an elevator as a toddler, pressed the button and disappeared. Someone returned him within moments but there was a lot of screaming, I thought he was gone forever and I was already cataloguing his toys in my head when he was found.

2. I fall in elevators a lot in my nightmares. I know that it is supposed to mean that I have no control over some situation in my life, but I prefer to think of it as a premonition of my ultimate demise because I am certainly always in control.

3. I got stuck in an elevator once. By stuck I mean between floors for a total of 12 seconds but it sure felt like days. My plan: There was a big guy in the elevator with me and I would have to take him out for food but I needed to weaken him with my charm first. I started the charm strategy with a really ugly snot-provoking cry. Thankfully a friend pried the doors open for me from the outside and pulled me to safety. I survived to tell the tale and a week later they put in security doors in the stairwells so I didn’t have to relive the pain.

See, not irrational.

My point… what is with the locked escape hatch? Are they concerned we are going to hide a car on the top of the elevator and will need access? Do they think we are going to ride up there for fun? Maybe they are worried that Jay Z will have to get out but prefer to keep him in for better video. Lock not required. Give me back my escape plan!

The elevator will not fall…
The elevator will not fall…
The elevator will not fall…

And then I saw this:

fell elevators

Did I cheat death? You decide.


Comments

  1. Christopher at Freethinkers Anonymous recently wrote a post about elevators. I couldn’t help but point out loss of limbs/heads caused by said elevators. So I say you definitely cheated death.
    kdcol recently posted…Don’t bake it!My Profile

  2. Well I totally get the elevator afraid thing. Sometimes I have the irrational urge to go all “Elf” and hit all the buttons so I have the option of bailing on every floor. Luckily I have a kid that has an irrational fear of escalators so yeah…malls are fun.
    eva recently posted…5 Tattoo Blogs Worth ReadingMy Profile

  3. Someone in the building where my mom worked fell down an elevator shaft and got killed when the elevator misfunctioned and wasn’t there when the doors open. She was chatting and not paying attention to the fact that she was stepping into a void.

    Don’t do that.
    Cassandra recently posted…Throwdown Thursday: Back to the 80sMy Profile

  4. That is quite the literal sign.

    I’m less afraid of my building’s elevator plummeting me to my doom than I am about it potentially just sealing me inside itself for all eternity. Feels like the doors take that little smidge longer to open with every ride…
    Spoken Like A True Nut recently posted…Thanks but no thanks for the memories.My Profile

  5. You definitely cheated death, and I’m very proud of you (and Aussa and Sarah). I have those freakish elevator dreams too…it will either spin in rapid/random circles or shoot out the roof of the building. I claim no control over my life whatsoever.

    I love your new series! I have the feeling you started off with a tame one, though.

  6. Enjoyed the post! I’m not sure if you cheated death. Sounds like the big guy that time before did, though.
    Bun Karyudo recently posted…Our Anniversary – Begging for MerciMy Profile

  7. Modern elevators are supposed to have braces that snap into place if the cable should snap, but what are the chances they’ll hold? And I’ve never gotten the point of the escape hatch. Even if it’s not locked how are you supposed to reach it if you’re alone in the elevator? I’m slightly less than average height. I can’t reach the escape hatch no matter how high I jump.

    Oh, yeah, and jumping up and down is probably going to snap the cable and probably break those braces too. I should probably stop doing that in the elevator.
    Christopher recently posted…Adoption Agent.My Profile

    • Who checks these braces? Do they have to snap the cable each time the elevator is certified? Is it like a fire drill and the test snap could happen at any time? I don’t know if you meant to make me feel better, but you decidedly did not.
      Fun fact (or just something that happens in my dreams) you float to the top when the elevator is plummeting you to your death? That’s why the hatch is there.
      You jump?! I will never ride an elevator with you Christopher. NEVER.

  8. OMG. I just remembered that I left out the story of how I was in the Student Union garage at the same time as an armed gunman and just pulled my car out like one second before they surrounded the building and evacuated it. I had no idea it even happened till I saw the news later.

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