MumRevised Found Alive!

MumRevised Found Alive!

I am not dead, contrary to popular opinion. I have just been enjoying spending time with my kids this summer (translation: being lazy). I have been basking in my new success as a stand-up comic and having a hard time getting through all the offers (translation: too unmotivated to do anything since August 2nd). Finally, I have been writing my little ass off for others (translation: I wrote two stories of 1000 words each for a contest).

I am, however, happily engaged to Netflix (don’t tell Mister).

Daphne and Shaggy requested, at the beginning of the summer, that we would spend the majority of our time at the cottage this holiday. And it was a brilliant summer to do that from a weather perspective. Here’s the catch. I didn’t realize, like chocolate, that you can overdose on the cottage. (I discovered the chocolate problem in Switzerland, but don’t worry I’m back on the chocolate wagon). All that sun, booze, good food, fresh air and lazy mornings started to suck. Before you throw your bra at me, I know it doesn’t really suck.

What I missed more than anything was the routine of reading some of my favourite blogs, having far too many coffees, and taking the dog for a walk in the morning. I missed random stupid articles on Facebook. I missed the headshakes in the Twitterverse.

In short, I missed my life.

The kids started school yesterday, and I already feel like I am going to be able to cope better. The house is quiet. The coffee is hot.

What I was doing instead of hanging out with you:

  1. I tried stand-up. It was hard. I was ok. I like big sentences.
  2. My naturopath told me to try eliminating eggs, wheat, almonds, peas, potatoes, rice, beer and cola for 6 months starting in May. I hate to admit that I am feeling better because it is a bitch to avoid all of that. Corn and I have become best friends.
  3. I wrote two stories for a flash fiction contest. I did ok on my first submission which was a ghost story (placing 14th in my group of 35). I had some stupid errors that I am kicking myself for. <—– Like ending a sentence with a preposition. The second story was historical fiction. Both were a challenge, and I find out November 1 if I advance to the next round.
  4. Our neighbour’s tree landed on our roof. I thought a little light reading of Once Upon an Expat would be a pleasant distraction.
  5. I started a 10-pound challenge with my friends. We each put $100 into the kitty and have to lose 10lbs by November 1. I am sitting here eating nachos thinking about how that is going to happen in my sleep.
  6. I went to the TIFF and saw six movies.
    1. I found In Dubious Battle underwhelming;
    2. Loving could have taken 20 minutes out and it would have been better but otherwise charming;
    3. Deepwater Horizon was thrilling but not ‘deep’;
    4. The Sixth Beetle was a fascinating documentary but also too long;
    5. Orphan was a french subtitled disturbing movie and one I wish I could unsee because it was too real;
    6. See Brain on Fire if you get the chance. It was by far my favourite because the acting and story were both superb! I am the only person alive who did not read the book so I can’t tell you if it was better, but I can tell you that it only really dealt with the illness and a bit of the end.
  7. With everyone out of the house one weekend, I flew to Thunder Bay and visited grandpa (who waved at his selfie again cutting out my cuz) and started making an audition video for the Amazing Race Canada with my brother (upside down). I think y’all would love him, and we’d make a great team. Oh, and I hung out with the family too. They’re pretty sweet.
  8. My new fiance and I finished Friday Night Lights, Stranger Things, and Sherlock.
  9. I received this amazing new T from my friend. She knows me so well. It says “OK, But First Coffee.”
  10. I finally sat on the Kearney Bench of Knowledge, and it didn’t help.
  11. I watched the dog “Marilyn Monroe” on Bloor Street.
  12. I found a secret stash of Georgian Bay Gin Smash (impossible to find!). That was truly a highlight.

Tell me what you did this summer that wasn’t boring? I’d love to hear it. I miss hanging out with you guys on the internet. I promise to come back soon.


Comments

  1. 1. You were way better than OK. I came here to check on you yesterday and really thought you may have run away to do standup forever, since you are almost-famous and all.
    2. All that is gross.
    6. Until this week, I had never heard of TIFF.
    7. Grandpa is the cutest.
    8. Love FNL! We just watched Sherlock and Stranger Things too. My new series is Nurse Jackie. Me likey.

    We missed you!
    halfa1000miles recently posted…Subscribe to My Blog Unless Your Crotch is Too ItchyMy Profile

    • My new series is House of Cards! I forget that other people haven’t heard of the Toronto Internation Film Festival (TIFF). It is an honest-to-goodness word here and part of our usual conversation in the fall. I’m gonna say like ‘grits.’ Nobody fucking knows what they are outside the south except that they are used to tell people to get lost ala ‘kiss my grits.’
      Kristine @ Mum Revised recently posted…MumRevised Found Alive!My Profile

  2. I am trying so hard not to laugh out loud at #5 in the office that people are going to start thinking I’m choking on something in a minute.

    My “not boring”(?) summer event was when I went for a 9.5km hike around a mountain peak and then pretty much couldn’t walk or even look at stairs for almost a week afterward.

    The mountain was covered in adorable marmots and I got some amazing photos of them and the landscape, and I had an epic guilt-free ice cream sundae when we got back down the mountain, so it was all totally worth it. Even if my knees will never be the same again.
    Spoken Like A True Nut recently posted…Snakes on a 10 horse power outboard engine.My Profile

    • My new series is House of Cards! I forget that other people haven’t heard of the Toronto Internation Film Festival (TIFF). It is an honest-to-goodness word here and part of our usual conversation in the fall. I’m gonna say like ‘grits.’ Nobody fucking knows what they are outside the south except that they are used to tell people to get lost ala ‘kiss my grits.’
      Kristine @ Mum Revised recently posted…MumRevised Found Alive!My Profile

    • Just don’t choke on a nacho when you are supposed to be watching what you eat. Better to choke on kale. True story.
      Marmots!! I googled them, and they are beaver and prairie dog all mushed together in an adorable, not exactly baby seal adorable, conglomeration of cuteness and rodent. There’s something odd. Rodent and adorable in the same sentence. Hmmm.
      Knees, shmees. That’s why you have two of them in case one craps out.
      Kristine @ Mum Revised recently posted…MumRevised Found Alive!My Profile

  3. Stranger Things- yes! I finished the whole season very quickly. A dash of nostalgia and creepy. Good on you for entering the competitions. I think that’s a very good use of your break to just write.

    PS I know how you feel about Netflix. I’ve just started watching House of Cards and oh my….there’s just not enough hours in the day. Glad you’re back!

    • Stranger Things was a weekend event with Mister and Shaggy while our teenage girls slept until noon. The contests are just to stretch my mental muscle and get some feedback. They are good fun anyway. Writing things I would never write seems like a worthwhile exercise to get me off the couch 🙂

  4. Glad you are not dead.
    You have a fiancé? I must have missed a post or two. 🙁

  5. 1. I’m way too late to the party as usual but am glad to see you back. And in awe of all the work you’ve done.
    2. Netflix and I are also BFFs. “Stranger Things” was, in some places, frighteningly like my childhood and in other places just frightening and all around fantastic. I’ve also been using the DVD subscription–yes, that’s still a thing–to go back and watch ’80’s horror films, glimpses of which scared me as a kid but which I’m now discovering aren’t all that scary. A few are even entertaining in a subtly humorous and/or kitschy kind of way.
    3. I had a glass of Glenlivet single malt scotch last night and it was beautiful.
    4. This is a random collection of weird things that I should probably make a lot shorter.
    5. I went to Sri Lanka and successfully pretended to be Arthur C. Clarke for a month and opened a fireworks factory that I then blew up, telling people it was a landing signal for alien spacecraft. Then people remembered Clarke was dead and I was deported to Tuvalu and competed for that country in the summer Olympics. My event was men’s solo synchronized swimming.
    6. One of these things is not true.

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